The watchers

I took this picture the other day.  Two kindred spirits hanging out in the garage, holding hands, drinking a cold one.  

Our children are watching us.  They watch what we do, what we say.  

I see this in their interaction with people.  With their patience and kindness, and sadly with their lack thereof.  

I see it in tallulah, tonight at a restaurant.  How she mirrored her dad as he scratched his neck look up at the ceiling and took a sip of his beer.  

They watch us and this is an awesome and mighty responsibility. 

I watch her.  As she sleeps.  I see the  perfect heart on her peaceful face.  A kiss of love from the One who knew and loved her before she was formed in my womb.  Who gave her the best qualities of both of us combined, who is an awesome and mighty God. 

And now, after four years of hearing to the contrary, we find out that this perfect heart can be erased.  The heart that in many ways has become her essence, the grace and love that is tallulah stamped upon her face can be changed and grafted.  She can be defaced. 

And now we are to decide if what we teach about beauty is true.  We make a decision for her that literally leave a mark for the rest of her life.  

And they watch us. 

Tallulah on the whole gay parenting thing

There is a kid in Annabelle's class with two mommies. And they are the nicest two mommies in the world. When I am around them, I wish I had another mommy to share my life with, rather than the paunchy man next to me, who is alternating between snoring, watching a show on navy seals, and having beer farts.

To wit: conversation in the parking lot after a workout at the gym--

Mommy 1: you know what, instead of driving, we should walk to ________(wherever they were headed)

Mommy 2: what a great idea!

Ummm. Yeah, that not how that would have gone down in my house.

Me: let's walk

H: you can. It's hot and there are Mosquitos. No one is stopping you. Go.

But I digress....

My kids don't know about gay, we haven't discussed it, much like until recently, they didn't really get "black" or "white". We shelter our kids from what we perceive to be adult issues. Because make no mistake, they are adult issues. Kids don't care. They just want to play.

Annabelle has never said anything about this child having two mommies, because for as smart as she is, she can be remarkably unobservant. Or perhaps she is just accepting, the way children are--she likes him and plays veterinarian with him at recess and that is fine with me.

But the kid has a little brother, who is Tallulah's age. And Tallulah, unlike her sister, has street smarts-- she notices things.

Tallulah: mommy, let me tell you something. Sometimes, people can have two moms. Like ______ and________. They have two mommies.

Me: yes, that is true.

That should have been it. But, curiosity got the better of me. I know my 4 year old child, my child who loves and adores me all the time, even when I don't deserve it, and I felt I knew what her answer would be, but I wanted to ask her anyway....

Me: so what do you think is better-- to have two mommies, or a mommy and a daddy.

Tallulah(in a tone that says duh): two mommies!

Duh.

A visit from a sweet little old lady

My mom is here for a brief visit. She has been here for about two hours. In the first five minutes she was here she said, in front of my 4 year old, "ay Chingao, I hit myself with this stupid door, I hate it." My kids think stupid and hate are bad words, so chingar, they don't know. Then she proceeded to tell Tallulah that the reason she tripped is because she was being bad and her angel made her fall down. She then explained to my toddler child that everyone has an angel and the reason you fall or trip is because they make you do it, especially when you are being bad.

In short, my mom has taught Tallulah fuck in Spanish, and made her scared of angels.

She is calling for toilet paper now. No one is bringing it to her. She is threatening to wipe herself with a towel. And she says she won't tell us which one.

They are headed to New Orleans so god only knows what she is going to come back teaching her....

In love

Have you even fallen in love?

Not fallen,

Struck.

Have you ever been struck by love?

San Antonio,

You have my heart.

Houston,

You have my loyalty.

Big Bend has my soul.

Daylight savings time

This is the time of year when all of us moms are grousing about daylight savings time and the hangover it gives our kids. Including me. Annabelle woke up at 4 in the morning, terrified because she hadn't finished her homework. Her homework was to draw a picture of a Texas day in the springtime. Her hand got tired so she hadn't finished coloring the tree on her picture of a picnic in the bluebonnets. So I let her sleep in until seven. Normally she needs to get up at 6:30 to get ready by seven, to have time to eat breakfast and then brush teeth, do hair, get jacket and backpack and head out the door by 7:40. Yes, it takes that long. Then, she is in school. There are lines and bells and classes, and nouns and verbs, and all that crap. Then she comes home. And depending on the day, she may have to do homework, eat dinner and go to some activity. Then, bath, brush teeth, spend some time with dad, read books, bed. Notice that play is not always part of her schedule. Her life is highly scripted and is almost completely dictated by school.

Tallulah's life in preschool is very different than her sister's. She is learning to be a bucket filler, not a bucket dipper. She sings songs almost all the time, songs that she learned at school. When she is at home, she plays or helps me. She is little chef, and I am big chef. Excpet she can't say chef, so she says "cheft." Little cheft can make chicken pot pie, chili, quiche and banana bread. She really shines at sautéing things. She likes me to read the same book over and over again. She plays by herself a fair amount. She is super awesome at folding clothes. She is a Ngyuen, so she has that weird way they fold shirts down. She was explaining it to me today. "you fold it in haf, den you fold de ahms, in den fold it again, and den it is a skuwayah mommy. Like dis." Ok. Whatever.

She helped me cook supper tonight, as a matter of fact. One of Annabelle's classmates came over for supper. His dad dropped him off and I told him annabelle was out back. She had just came home from ballet and changed clothes and headed straight for the back door. Tell A________ I'm outside mommy". I finished up the corn bread and kept an eye on them-- this boy seemed content to be bossed around by two girls, one whom was covered in mud. I am not really sure what they were doing, but Tallulah's guardian angel told me to check on her just as she was trying to use the toy wheel barrow as a step ladder, whereby saving me a trip to the er. Thanks, GMS.

I glanced up at the fridge and saw my favorite magnet, a picture of the girls, from the time summer when annabelle was three and Tallulah was 8 months, or so. It was when Annabelle was in her " I only wear my underwear and no other clothes" phase. She had a tan line to match. My pippi longstocking girl who liked to draw cat whiskers on her face, and cover her arms and legs in marker. The ultimate free spirit. I wish school would give her back

And now she was outside, and was going to need a bath before dinner, and in all likelihood so was her friend. No homework done and it was almost 630. But it felt early, because it was still light out. And for a second, I could feel the warmth and promise of summer, just around the corner.

The hazy, crazy, lazy days, as the song says. The promise that is worth the hangover.

It is my kind of town

We went to Chicago last weekend. We had a wonderful time, apart from a run in with a misanthropic Korean man who hates the sound of childhood joy. But that is another story. Tallulah we discovered, well , not really discovered as much an a reinforcement of her strangeness, has an optimal temperature. It's about 74. If she is any colder, she is miserable and if she is any hotter she is miserable. And so is everyone else around her. Coats make her hot. 20 degree temps make her cold. She was not a happy camper. Neither was her dad, who can't ride in taxis because they make him car sick. So we walked, she complained and tried to hail her own cab. She also almost touched the most famous painting in the art institute and fell into a statute of the bhudda. The docents suggested a stroller.... Hyphen said she had to stay home until she became a grown up.

But Annabelle and I had fun. Until the Korean guy at the restaurant got after her for whistling. The f bombs at the table next to us--those were ok.

We were joined by a favorite aunt, so that was an added bonus. And we saw a lovely city. And despite all the craziness I would go back. I would even take Tallulah.

Why sometimes annabelle takes a while to go to sleep

Last night we had a party, and we watched an outside movie. We chose E.T. The kids loved it, despite it being the scariest thing they have seen so far.

But the problem with watching movies, and is why we don't do it too often, is that they are very stimulating, especially before bedtime. Last night everyone left late, so it wasn't a problem. But it was tonight.

Tallulah was still exhausted from last night and she fell asleep in her father's arms at 5:45. Leaving us with some rare Annabelle alone time.

As we were taking a bath she started with the ET phone home stuff and how grandma said it was one of the most famous movie lines ever. I said some from Casablanca had to be up there. This caused me to explain the plot to her. Then after bath, we googled the AFI list of top 100 movie lines. Some have damn in them, the word she regretfully heard last fall on tv. Casablanca had 6 quotes. Titanic had one. Btw, you haven't lived until you've heard an almost 7 year old say, Mrs, Robinson, are you trying to se- se- se.... Then I scrolled down and hyphen said it was time for bed.

Then this occurred while I was lying with her:

How far in the song did Sam sing before Rick told him not to? (Not sure.)I am scared of ET, mamma, I can't stop thinking about it.( let's think about a non scary movie like lady and the tramp) you know that old lady was really smart, because she knew that dogs don't like cats, so she brought these cats to get the dog in trouble because she didn't like dogs either. When did they find the titanic, when you were in the third grade? (Not sure) when did it sink? Why did people die? Why didn't they have enough life boats? Why couldn't people just swim until the other ships got there?

The titanic discussion prompted her to really hold her teddy tight. Did I mention, I am an idiot sometimes?

But then, old faithful, math, saved us from staying up all night. "you know what numbers I really like to add? I like it when all the digits are the same, like 333. That's the most fun to add."

And then, 30 seconds later, she fell asleep. Clearly, she knows how to comfort herself.

Tomorrow she is 7. In the blink of an eye, seven years.