Why my mother does not shop at target

Mom: well, I hope you don't get mad at me, but I want to buy a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and show it to the girls when we are at your house.

Me: that'll be fine.

Mom: but I don't know if I can find it, only if I can find it

Me: where did I see that?? Oh, yeah, I saw it at target.

Mom(disdainful): oh, well, I don't shop there, so only if the have it at HEB.

Me: you are such a snob, there was a study that people who shop at target have higher education levels....

Mom(interrupting): well good for them. Every time I go there I have a horrible experience. Like I see someone scratching their crotch.

Me(laughter): what?

Mom: yes they scratch their crotch or are fighting over something in the store.

Me: what target do you go to?

Mom: I don't even go to the one on the cruddy part of town. I go to the one on 1604.

Me(thinking let me put a quarter in an see where this goes) well, what are you supposed to do when you itch?

Mom: you rub you legs together or excuse your self to the bathroom, you don't scratch yourself, they probably have bugs or venerial disease . Well you probably do, you probably scratch yourself and your cola too, and probably have cola juice on your hands and then touch the stuff at target

Me: yeah, that is what I do and then I touch everything and get other people's vd.

Mom: see? . And that is why I don't go to target.

Me: I've got to go. I've got to go write something down.