old dog, new tricks

We have some kind of dumb ass dog, as some of you may know.  She will be 10 this year.  She is a complete nimrod who can barely turn a corner or walk across the kitchen without guidance, suffering from several strange dog neuroses.  And some nice people will say, oh she must be going blind--well tell that to the squirrels she can see from across the yard.  She has finally stopped trying to eat the baby (teenage now) chicks.  She runs out of the house and heads straight for the coop and barks and circles it like a shark until I have to bring her inside out of consideration for her elderly heart and my elderly neighbors.

My list of current grievances will continue:

She has figured out how to open the back door and come in the house.

She has figured out how to climb onto my white couch and sleep on it.  (thank the Lord for slipcovers)

She has figured out how to put her paws on the dining room table and take grocery bags off the table and eat the contents of those bags (hamburger buns) right before we had people over for dinner (hamburgers).

She has figured out how to open a sippy cup with her paws and drink out of it while holding it with said paws    .
But she also figured out when the girls left the back yard to walk to the side of the house to cut some roses off the climbing rose bush.  She was inside with me in the living room and lifted up her head and began to bark hysterically, getting more and more frantic until I heard and small knock on the  front door and there they were (leaving the backyard was Tallulah's idea, according to Annabelle--yeah, right).

And despite her fear of the hallway, she knows how to turn the living room corner and walk skittishly down it, push the door open with her nose and stand guard-- well lie guard, to be more accurate--by the foot of Annabelle's bed when there is a night time thunder storm.

Old dog, new tricks.

When scissors attack....

no one who was inside at the time was spared, not even the dog. But Tallulah got the worst of it, by far.

But, as my mom says, "shit happens--it's how you clean it up that's important."

So, when the 5 year old sister in life gives you a botched hair cut, go to great clips and rock out the pixie.

how it looked before

geriatric traffic offenses.

Call to my parents while they are driving home from a wedding in Austin, lost in more than one sense of the word, heading to cedar park

Singing in the background...

Mom:We are lost because your father missed the exit.

Dad: (singing stopped)We are not lost we are on rundeberg.  Rund-e-berg.  We are headed west.

Mom:  we are lost and who knows where, I have to worry about all kinds of people in this city-- blacks, Asian gangs, mexicans and white trash...

Dad: and with only a sliver moon to navigate.  We are having fun.

Mom: there is a stop sign right there!

Dad:  I see it.

Mom:  Then why are you going 40mph?

Dad:  So I can screech on the brakes.

Mom: And we are high(my mom says high for buzzed).  And they are going to arrest us and take us to jail.I bet if I asked this computer (she means her phone) how to get to cedar park it would say "you super dumb ass."  (dad in the background saying "rundeberg, rundeberg")

Dad:  (coming to his senses)  No, it would say go two blocks and get on 183.

Mom:  We are no where near 183.  What is that?  Is that the hospital that Audrey was in?

Dad:  I think it is...

Mom:  Oh, great, great a dead end.  Now can we turn around???  I see 35 from here,

Dad:  I know, I see 183 also.

Mom:  Go that way go that way, see?   There is a an exit.

Dad:  See, 183?  I told you...

Mom:Oh shut up, if you didn't have me you would be stuck that dead end.  Pendejo.

Dad:  let's exit duval and see if we can find a bar.

Mom:  no let's find one in cedar park.

Then the phone beeped and I had to hang up.  It was Audrey, looking for them.