allergies

As a parent, you learn to ignore things, such as "Mama, I want to look it at that book," especially when it is repeated 100 times at bedtime. This is a learned parental defense mechanism in order to keep you sane. Now, you'll snap out of ignore mode immediately if it changes to "Mama I need to go poo-poo."

I didn't have too much trouble adapting to this behavior becasue I have been living with Hyphen and his various health complaints, both real and imagined for 13 years. One day I actually decided to pay attention to his complaints and I wrote them all down. They included, but were not limited to: chapped ass, weird mosquito bite on ass, ear pressure, toe nail pain, teeth hurt, vomit in mouth while brushing teeth, eyes hurt (feel hot). The next day they included: coughing/ lougees, glue eye, red eye, weak urine stream, "dirty farts," constricted layrnx, constipation, various mental issue, throat killing him and the feeling of a fine layer of dust on his entire body.

See how you could tune this stuff out after a while? The fine layer of dust has been a complaint that he has had over the years. For a while I started to file that under the various mental issues category. Until I ate some bad shrimp, that made me break out into horrible hives that subsequently sent me to the allergist. They made me fill out a 10 page long survey that had all sorts of questions on it, and while none of the questions dealt with the issue of dirty farts, they did address things like "do you wake in the morning and need to cough," and "do you sneeze at night." As I was filling this out and answering no to every question, I started to think that Hyphen would answer yes to every question. I came home and told him about the survey. And one year and several really bad sinus infections later, he went to see the allergist. Actually it was thirteen years later, because right after we got married I recall how every night he would start to sneeze and would sneeze literally 50 times in a row. I also seem to recall vacations we would take with friends where they would hear him coughing and hacking--while they were downstairs and we were upstairs. I also recall being in the bedroom, talking on the phone with my sister and her saying "Is that H in the bathroom hocking up lougees--good lord how do you live with that?" But the point is, he went.

And guess what? He is allergic to 29 things, including pecan trees, dust mites and cockroaches.

And also guess what? His allergist said for people with dust mite allergies, feeling like there is a layer of dust on their body is a very common complaint.

Now, do I feel bad for making fun of him all these years? No. Because if I ever sneezed 50 times in a row, I would immediately call the doctor and tell them, "hey doc, I just sneezed 50 times, what gives?"

So the allergy msytery is solved. Now onto the really important matters, like cholesterol.

And, in case you are wondering, for me, it was just some bad shrimp.

God Punishes

God Punishes--that is one of the religious theories I grew up with--that if you were too cocky, or rude, or impatient, or proud, you were going to get yours. It's a Mexican Catholic thing. I was playing at a friend's house (they were Episcopalian) and I said to my little friend "God punishes" when she did something to annoy me. Her mother, who never yelled, always wore patent leather sandals and who we called by her first name, Duffy, took me aside and said "Stella, you know, God does not punish, He is a loving God." Okay, so maybe they were Baptist, but whatever. It is a theory of retribution to which I have become accustomed.

Today, while at school Annabelle had an accident, the kind where your Dora underwear gets tossed. Then after she came home she told me she needed to go to the potty. She went to the bathroom and started to hide from me behind the towels. When I finally "found" her and got her on the toilet she had peed a little bit on her panties. Costume change. Then tonight after dinner she said she needed to go potty. I took her to the bathroom again. And again, she let some pee out before I could get her on the potty. And then I told her "you only get two costume changes a day, we are going to take a bath in a minute, so you are going to be a naked baby until bath time."

And then I sneezed. Twice. And I am pregnant with my second baby. And I am not the greatest with my kegels.

God Punishes.