suegra and son in law

So my mom is the type of person who will save any bit of food that she doesn't eat at a restaurant. Her theory is that she can eat it later, and she does, usually wrapped in a tortilla, no matter what the food is. She does this when she visits at our house, and fills our refrigerator up with to go containers, much to Hyphen's chagrin, because a cleanly refrigerator is next to a godly refrigerator. Then, generally, she forgets to take the containers back home with her and calls on the way to Castroville and says something like this "I forgot my piece of hamburger, be sure to eat it, don't throw it away." Ummm, okay. Her last visit, she saved something from a restaurant and later told me she did it just to annoy Hyphen when he looked in the fridge. This time when she left, she remembered the half a piece of lasagna and put it in a Tupperware. Then she left a note in the Styrofoam that said "gotcha!" When hyphen cleaned out the refrigerator on Monday night, he saw it and the revenge plotting began.

My suggestion? A well placed phone call during the season premiere of NCIS. Did I mention I suggested that she leave the empty container????

So today, at about 8:05, Hyphen got Annabelle to call grandma.

Granddaughter or NCIS--her "babies" as she calls them. Who do you think won???

I didn't want Annabelle to feel totally rejected so I directed her attention elsewhere before it became completely obvious whom she preferred.

you better run, fatboy.....

Lately, when I put Annabelle to bed, she request a story from when I was little. And it is hard for me to think of a specific story when put on the spot. And she really wants a story, not a description--when I give her a description of what life was like in the 80s, she invariably says, "mama, that is not a story"

Tonight, she asked me to tell her the "funniest, funniest story that ever happened." And for once, I wasn't stumped. And I launched into the funniest thing that has ever, ever happened to the Stevens family.

Well, one summer, we played spades every night. Me, Auntie, Grandma and Grandpa. And Grandpa and I were always on the same team and we always won. Grandma and Auntie were always on the same team and they never won. Auntie was always silly, and liked to talk and take snack breaks, and when she got good cards she would stop and do a silly dance, and when she got bad cards she would pout and have a tantrum. She would always accuse me of looking at her cards when they were being dealt to her and would slap her hand over them as they were being dealt and carefully draw them up from the table. It was summer and I remember she was just wearing underwear and a t-shirt. And she always liked to wear underwear that covered her bellybutton and since it was about 1989 and she was in the 7th grade or so, it was getting harder to find so she wore these underwear that were covered in holes because they were so old and the reason this was important is because she would stick straws in the upper corner of her drawers, like a gun holster, and had even taped a little make shift pocket for them, so she would always have straws at the ready, because she was obsessed with straws, and needed them for the numerous coke breaks that required numerous straws in each glass. And grandpa would give her this disgusted look and grandma and I would laugh because she was so silly.

At this point I got a "why mama?"

Because she was weird, that was why and she still is weird and is still obsessed and has them everywhere, even in her glove box. Anyway, she was being silly and it was annoying grandpa, because when grandpa plays spades, he doesn't like table talking and plays very formally with proper card etiquette, which grandma and auntie never followed and sometimes would cheat by asking each other to play a certain card, and that would really make him mad. And this night Auntie kept saying, "has anyone played the ace of hearts, has anyone played the ace of hearts?" And she kept saying that, even after her coke break and it was her go but she wouldn't throw down a card until someone answered her question.

Finally grandpa got really frustrated and said "Shit fire! No, Audrey, now play your king."

Audrey threw down her king triumphantly ready to catch her trick (mom had led a low heart and I had followed suit). And then daddy threw down the ace of hearts.

Audrey looked at him and said "you better run, fatboy"

And he got up and ran. And she chased him. And grandma and I were laughing the kind of laugh where you hurt the next day, where you run out of breath, where you lose bladder control. And she managed to grab him and give him a wedgie (okay, so my whole family is weird not just Audrey) And to this day, all we have to say is "you better run fatboy" and we die laughing.

Then annabelle asked "what is a wedge?"

And I realized that this whole story probably made no sense to her,because I was laughing so hard while I was telling it.

Our family game night. Before iphone, computers and wii. No "let me send this text right quick and then we can play." Just the four of us gathered round a table with a deck of cards.

I hope Annabelle and Toot-a-loo get to tell some stories like this to their kids someday.

take the ribbon from my hair...

You know that guy you've had a crush on since the second grade? You know the one--the cute blonde one with the impish smile? But for whatever reason, you never got together, not even for a date. Who knows why. Maybe his family moved away for a few years. Maybe each of you was always dating someone else. And over the years, you might talk from time to time, you would exchange emails, meet up if he was in town for a drink, see him at the reunion-- but you never quite were at the same place at the same time.

And then one day, you are at Kroger's, and you turn the corner, and there he is. And your feet are frozen, your heart pounds , your mouth is dry. There he is. In the background you can hear a twangy voice singing "i don't care what's right or wrong, I don't try to understand..." And you think, I don't care, let the devil take tomorrow. And you run to him, you run to him and let the fire of your memory, of your youth, ravage and burn as you devour him.

This exact scenario happened to me today. But it wasn't with my childhood crush.

Double stuff oreo--where have you been all my life????