what I want for mother's day

Me (to Hyphen when he is making dinner): Dude, you know what I want for Mother's day?

H: what?

Me: I want for us to go to cozumel for a long weekend with no kids and drink pina coldadas, eat guacamole and, you know..., but if that is not possible, we can take the kids.

H: too expensive.

Me: well, if that is not possible, then I just want to spend the night at the Houstonian by myself, but if that is not possible, how about a day of beauty at a spa? and if that is not possible, how about just a massage? and if that is not possible, how about just take the kids to the zoo for a few hours so I can clean the house in peace--that would be like a present for everyone.

H: how about you clean the house while you watch the kids? I think I can arrange that one.

Go Lions!

checking out my muscles spinning not paying attention you gotta look good to play good

I watched a soccer game yesterday, a real soccer game, where kids were running around the field and kicking the ball. It only took 7 weeks, but they were really playing a game. That's right, we put Annabelle in soccer this spring.

My dad says 3 is too young for kids to enjoy organized sports, and that may be true, but 3 is not too young for me to enjoy kids in organized sports. Here is what I took away from the whole experience:

1. Annabelle is really good at listening to her coach.

2. Annabelle is really good at soccer, and can kick the ball in the air and dribble and make goals.

But despite facts 1 and 2, Annabelle saves the good stuff for home, at practice and games she stays away from the fray, especially after she ended up at the bottom of a pile of three year olds. After that she told us soccer was "too loud" and that she "would rather sit on Papa's lap."

3. During three-year-old soccer, the "game" will stop if a train goes by, or a plane flies overhead.

4. People who ref three-year-old soccer have to be patient and flexible and go with the flo, especially when the "game" leaves one field and moves onto another one. They also have a special spot in Heaven.

5. People who coach three-year-old soccer sometimes have to pick up the goalie and carry them back to the goal when the goalie forgets that he is goalie and starts picking flowers.

6. Our head coach had a super great attitude and whenever we would lose, she would say we really won because we "had the most fun."

7. Somtimes three-year-olds score goals for the other team, but we cheer anyway. Sometimes three-year-olds almost make goals, and I like to call these "goals in my heart." We cheer for those too.

8. There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth during three-year-old soccer.

9. Although, most parents are nice, there will be one jerky parent during three-year-old soccer, who gets mad when we lose, despite the fact that his kid was one of the kids who scored a goal for the other team.

10. At the tender age of three, parents of little boys are much harder on their sons and expect them to play and get after them when they don't, whereas parents of little girls, especially their daddies, hold them in their laps if they don't want to get out and mix it up (this was not an Annabelle specific phenomenon--one little girl sat in her dad's lap for the entire season--every practice, every game.) For some reason, this difference made me feel sad for our sons.

In the end, we had a great game. Annabelle actually played and got in the fray and ran around the field and was in the mix when her little friend scored the goal. When he scored the goal, we were all cheering so loudly that he came off the field and got high 5's from all the parents. We ended up winning 2-0. I was so excited it was like I was watching the last game of the '99 Spurs/Knicks championship series and 2006 Rosebowl at the same time. Annabelle ran up to us after the game and said "That was fun!" All the parents made a victory tunnel and the kids from both teams ran through it mutliple times.

We ended the season 1-6. Those goals were the only ones we scored for our team the entire season. But we definitely had the most fun.

my day

What started it all was the day before, when Annabelle coughed all day long which caused me to make a doctor's appointment for 10:20 this morning. She also broke her new jelly shoe, which needed to be returned at the gap near the doctor's office

7:00a.m. H tells me we need toilet paper and dog food and I decide that if I leave by 9:00, I can go to Target and get said sundries and still make it to the doctor in time.

8:30 H calls and says he forgot his phone and I say no problem, I'll drop it off on my way to the doctor. Still have plenty of time
if I leave by 9:00.

9:05 we leave the house.

9:15we arrive at Target and get a front row joe parking spot. Everything is going according to plan.

? during the 9 hour we get in a check out line. There is a guy checking out, a guy in front of me with big items and then me. They open a line next to me and there is only one lady in it so I head for that line. Turns out the lady had a million small things in her cart. Like stickers and party favors and they were all slightly different and needed to be scanned indivually. Then they had to change cashiers and I got the slow check out lady.


10:00we leave target and I drop things on the way out of the store, break open the toilet paper by accident and have to pick up the rolls that have fallen out by my front row joe car. Then I drive off with my trunk open, like wide open. Then I get behind two 18 wheelers that are making wide right turns. Annabelle asks me if I am having a hard time and offers to kiss me. However, theoretically we can still get to the doctor on time

10:15Annabelle starts to scream that she is thirsty, I am minutes away from the restaurant. Quick phone call to H who meets us outside with a milk and I give him his phone.

10:25we arrive at the doctor

10:35 we are in the exam room

11:45the doctor graces us with her presence (she is actually awesome, but still...)

11:50I leave with a screaming hungry baby in tow. I make it to the car and nurse, not caring who sees what.

12:00 find a parking spot near the gap. Browse and find some colorful boxers for H. We get to the front of the line and Annabelle announces she needs to go to the bathroom really, really bad.

12:20in line again and Tallulah loses it because she is tired. A kind soul lets us go first. Lord, bless that lady.

12:30 in line at Jason's deli. Tallulah falls asleep, Annabelle and I enjoy lunch and leave.

1:15As we leave tallulah wakes up, sounds hungry and I decide to feed her at Starbucks. A lady calls me regarding music lesson and talks my ear off. A stranger with a black bushy beard (starbucks worker) gives Annabelle a cakeball lollipop. I let Annabelle eat it. The lady is still talking to me. Tallulah poops. Annabelle announces that she needs to go to the bathroom. I change the baby on the floor using the gap bag as a changing mat. Annabelle has a huge poop.

2:00we return the sandals at the gap and browse

2:30 we leave. H calls from home wondering where we are.

2:35I figure that in for a penny, in for a pound and go and finish my easter shopping.

3:30I arrive home with 2 sleeping children

4:45 I drop Annabelle off at her friends house down the street for movie night. We talk for a bit. I carefully back out of her driveway, because 43rd is a busy street and she lives on a curve. I think about how tricky it is and wait until there are no more cars coming from either direction. So does her across the street neighbor.

5:30We finish talking to the constable, the insurance people and filling out the accident report.

5:45get mustache waxed, which is why I drove rather than walked down the street in the first place.

6:30dinner for Tallulah and H and I, clean up, bath tallulah, nurse tallulah,put tallulah to bed

waiting on Annabelle to come home.....or the other shoe to drop, whichever comes first.

audrey-not-at-home

from time to time, Audrey has to travel for her job. She reads magazines on the plane, stays in nice hotels, eats out, meets people who wear turqoise cuffs, and goes to bed without having to put anyone to bed. She is sad becasue she misses the girls. Yeah, I'd be sad too. For about 10 seconds. Tonight she called me. Recap:

Aud: OOOhhh, these sheets feel like silk. And I am wearing my cahsmere pajamas. I am wrapped in a cocoon of silk and cashmere.

Me: are you having fun??? how is the hotel?

Aud: it is old and there is no wi-fi, what kind of hotel doesn't have free wi-fi? And I miss the girls.

Me: How was dinner with K______? (audrey's old friend who lives in dallas)

Aud: It was fun, I ate way too much.... I had quail wrapped in bacon with sweet potato grits and collared greens. And we had cranberry toasts with blue cheese and fried green tomatoes as an appetizer. And bread pudding for dessert. And then we went to a chocolatier and tried some different chocolates.

Me: bitch! I went to see the three year old soccer version of the bad news bears practice where they were all wandering around playing and having tantrums and had a double dave's pizza and now I am swiffing the guestroom for mom's visit. I hate you right now. How clean does this room need to be so she won't bitch about the house?

Aud: I don't know, you are stressing me out. I don't want to be stressed out when I am in my cocoon of silk and cashmere.

I know what she means. Later tonight, after I finish the guestroom and sterilize the bottles and take out the trash, I will crawl into the bed that has the faint odor of baby spit up and hear the sounds of a paunchy asian snoring, I will be blissed out to the max too.

the privileges of being a grown up, according to Annabelle Leigh Nguyen

for every ridiculous conversartion I have with my sopouse there is an equally sweet one I have with my daughter, to wit:

ALN: next week, I am going to be 4

Me: well, next year, but yes.

ALN: and then pretty soon, I am going to be a TEENAGER!!!!!

Me: yes, that is also true.

ALN: and then I am going to be a GROWNUP!!!!!

Me: yes.

ALN: and when I am a grownup, I can watch the news with you!!!!! And then I can go to be with you in your bed!!!!! But--I will bring my own pillows, so I can be comfortable.

Me: as long as we have that straight, that's fine by me. what boy are you going to marry??

ALN: no boy. I am going to stay with you and papa.

Me: sounds good to me.

Sounds really good to me.

another ridiculous conversation

Me: the problem with this diaper bag is that there is no obvious place to put your wallet.

H: I don't think it was designed for a wallet.

Me: but clearly I don't want to carry a purse and a diaper bag.

H: why don't you just use a fanny pack???

Me (insulted and gesturing): just because my hair looks like this, and my face looks like this, and my mustache looks like this, and my nails look like this, and my bikini line looks like this and my toenails look like this does not mean I want to wear a fanny pack!!!

H(non-plussed): It was just a suggestion.

paragraphs

for some reason, where I could once put in paragraphs on this stupid blog, I now cannot. I just noticed this the other day. And I feel like all the time and attention I have devoted to the effort of writing is somewhat wasted, and so if you read silly little blog and were thinking where are the paragraphs? well , they are somewhere in cyber-space. here, this should be a new paragraph. and when I try to figure it out by asking for help, they just talk in computer jargon, which I cannot understand. new paragraph. I used to have paragraphs and I don't know what happened. new p. My sister has told me to stop obsessing, but I can't. Once I start, I just can't.