Bless us, oh Lord...

Do not read this if you are averse to poop issues----

What happened after the gluttony, during the dishes, which took an hour to wash:

Audrey(drawing me into the bathroom and whispering) where's your Imodium?

Me: why? Do you have c-dif?

Audrey ( annoyed) I don't know, just where is it?

Mom: another pea? Oh my God- I am never going to finish picking up these peas!

Hyphen: why are there so many peas on the floor? thank god we didn't have fried rice

Lilly (from upstairs): all done mommy!

Tallulah (from upstairs) Lilly pooped upstairs

Me: did she poop upstairs? (Please note: I do not have a bathroom upstairs)

Audrey(coming downstairs with part of the potty training potty) hold on Lilly let me wipe your booty

Me: ugh I hate that word

Mom ( yelling at the dog who is on the couch). Look where she is! Perra disgraciada! Do you think you own this house?

Audrey: the toilet's clogged...

Dale: did you flush a Kirkland wipe down it?

Annabelle( calling) papaaaaa where is the plunger?

Hyphen: well your sister has such a restricted diet. It's no wonder she's sick--all of this food shocked her system....

Me: or she is contaminating our toilet with her stomach virus germs....

Audrey: there is a window open in your bathroom, FYI

Annabelle to dale: what happens if you flush it again?

Dale: the poop will come out on the floor.

Annabelle: I only saw water and paper.

Dale: trust me, there is poop there.

Audrey then started to sing the diarrhea song and I yelled at her for saying turd. Then I got points on the official tantrum tally/ hyphen neat feak fits that we were keeping track of on the chalkboard wall. This tally was for adult tantrums only, if we had been keeping track of kid ones, we would never have stopped writing....

Through Christ our Lord, amen...

Why my mother does not shop at target

Mom: well, I hope you don't get mad at me, but I want to buy a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and show it to the girls when we are at your house.

Me: that'll be fine.

Mom: but I don't know if I can find it, only if I can find it

Me: where did I see that?? Oh, yeah, I saw it at target.

Mom(disdainful): oh, well, I don't shop there, so only if the have it at HEB.

Me: you are such a snob, there was a study that people who shop at target have higher education levels....

Mom(interrupting): well good for them. Every time I go there I have a horrible experience. Like I see someone scratching their crotch.

Me(laughter): what?

Mom: yes they scratch their crotch or are fighting over something in the store.

Me: what target do you go to?

Mom: I don't even go to the one on the cruddy part of town. I go to the one on 1604.

Me(thinking let me put a quarter in an see where this goes) well, what are you supposed to do when you itch?

Mom: you rub you legs together or excuse your self to the bathroom, you don't scratch yourself, they probably have bugs or venerial disease . Well you probably do, you probably scratch yourself and your cola too, and probably have cola juice on your hands and then touch the stuff at target

Me: yeah, that is what I do and then I touch everything and get other people's vd.

Mom: see? . And that is why I don't go to target.

Me: I've got to go. I've got to go write something down.

Rosalinda cafe

Annabelle has been sick with fever, so she has been getting lots of love and attention, which is causing her sister to be whiny to compete for attention. And there have been a couple of sleepless nights, well, sleepless for me, because i am taking temperatures and getting cups of water and comforting the children who need me and who have had dreams that a "big alligator knocked you in the water with its tail.". There was a doctors visit today that involved multiple tests and tears and lollipops and a big 'ol dose of tylenol all to come to the conclusion-- we have no idea, we' ll just call it "flu-like".

So I was understandably beat when we came home. But then I was invited to this really cool tea house called Rosalinda cafe. You can get hot lemonade tea with honey and a mint cookie in it. You can also get a foot bath and a leg massage. The waitresses were really nice and one of them had a British accent. Their names were Kaitlin rose and Kaitlin Corduroy. They also provide a book reading service and a toy selection service where they would bring you toys you might want to play with.

It was actually quite relaxing and I felt restored.

Then we watched some football and then there was a screaming and kicking battle because she is touching me, no, she is touching me on the couch.

Now I am having a glass of wine.....

Bing bing

Tallulah is one of those kids who carries around a blanket. Her name is Bing Bing. My sister in law knitted her for T when she was born and truthfully, she was always partial to it, but bing bing really became a necessity when she had her pneumonia/collapsed lung last year that landed her in the hospital where she underwent multiple suction procedures that caused her to vomit and extrude massive amounts of phlegm. Bing Bing got us through that.

Bing bing, of course goes with us places. Like to fort davis and Florida and grandma's house and also to the grocery store and the gym, and while I usually discourage taking toys to those kinds of places, because they will be forgotten, I don't feel that way about Bing Bing. You see, she is part of our family, and you don't forget your family.

And since she is part of our family, she is quirky like everyone else in this non-traveling freak show.

Bing Bing is a girl.

Bing Bing does not like other blankets. She really, really, does not like them. "Bing Bing don't like dis one." So we fall asleep slightly cold and then I have to go in there later and cover Tallulah up. The only blanket she can tolerate is the comforter on our bed. So after waking up cold, she and Bing Bing come in our room and T says when I cover her "oh, dis one ok. Bing bing like dis one."

If Bing Bing is mad at you she will hit or attack you. Just ask hyphen.

If Bing bing loves you she will kiss you and cuddle you. Just ask me.

Bing Bing sometimes doubles as a long haired wig, a dress and a baby sling/ nursing cover. Tallulah strongly feels breast is best when it comes to her dolls.

Bing bing does not like the cover to Richard Scarry's Best Storybook Ever. She thinks the lion is too scary and doesn't want it anywhere near her.

Bing Bing has a nickname. It is "the bings the bongs."

Bing Bing is who T turns to when she is in trouble or scared or sad. "I need my Bing Bing, " through tears and a quivering lip. And she is so pathetically sad you give in to her and don't care about her being spoiled because kids who carry blankets around like they are a life line and just too damn cute.

Bing Bing will be three soon and I just want to say, "happy Birthday," Bing Bing, we love you.