a Study in Contrasts at the Texas Nail Spa on Ella and 43rd

Today, I went and had my nails done. I haven't done this in a while, as I now regard a manicure as a luxury, but every once in a while, it is okay to have a treat. There were two other girls in the shop having their nails done. Well, I suppose they were not really girls, but they were certainly not ladies and not really women. I listened to their conversation (they were friends) with amusement. Summary follows:

1. They were in their early twenties.
2. They work at Hooters.
3. Football season was coming and would be good to them from a financial standpoint (the phrase financial standpoint being mine, not theirs).
4. Relationships lasting more than a month were boring to them.
5. They were on facebook and updated their status during their manicure and were delighted on the people who immediately responded and called those people stalkers.
6. They wore and admired each others' really short shorts from urban outfitters.
7. The one next to me was painting her nails green with some kind of design on them (my rudimentary knowledge of Vietnamese let me know I wasn't the only one who thought that was really weird).
8. They could really stand to go to a party tonight.
9. One had a car payment that was killing her.
10. After their nails were done they were going to an aerobics class which one still had to register for, thankfully she had a phone with a touch screen, the touch screen being a somewhat important factor in the registration process.
11. The best part about the class was that while you could wear tennis shoes in the gym, once the class began, you had to wear high heels.
12. They needed to get in shape for Halloween which was a month and a half away and were hoping Hooters could work something out with 24 hour fitness where services could be exchanged, but on this point they were not that optimistic, because people who work at 24 hour fitness don't really eat at Hooters.

In short, they were my worst nightmare and what I think is wrong with America. And then I realized...

1. I have achieved the advanced age of 36.
2 I am a stay at home mom.
3. September 26 will mark the anniversary of the first date in what has become an 18 year relationship with the same man.
4. I like to see pictures of my friends' kids on facebook.
5. I was wearing paint-stained sweatpants and a maternity t-shirt.
6. I was paying good money to have my nails painted the same color as they naturally are.
7. I haven't been to a party in a really long time.
8. I drive a mini-van that smells like sour milk.
9. I can't figure out how to use my touch screen phone.
10. After my manicure, I was going to pick up my two year old and go to the park and I count that as aerobic exercise.
11. I am excited about decorating my mantel with black candles and orange jelly beans for Halloween and making my daughter the "happy pumpkin" costume she has requested.

In short, I was their worst nightmare.

how we know our family

Part 1:
Last night,while I was cooking supper (manicotti stuffed with arugula, prosciutto and goat cheese) Annabelle decided to feed the dog. She went to the pail where we keep the food and put it on a plastic plate. She kind of went over board, as she tends to do, and poured it all over the laundry room floor. I told her she needed to clean up that mess before papa came home. She said "No mama, I want him to say 'oh my goodness, what a mess!'" She repeated this several times while I was trying to convince her to clean it before he came home (I live like the movie sleeping with the enemy except without the abuse-- and to be fair, after a hard day at work, he should come home to a clean, happy child, a smiling wife and a house that doesn't have dog food all over the floor).

She was waiting by the door when he came home.

Annabelle: "papa! Come and look at the mess I made!!!!"

Hyphen walked into the kitchen and laughed and exclaimed:

"Oh my goodness! What a mess! Oh my goodness! Annabelle, look at your mess!"

Me: "well, he doesn't disappoint does he?"

part 2.
My mom tends to hold on to things. The other day she gave me some benadryl that expired in 2000. When I complained about it, she chided me, "Oh, Stella, they just put that on there so you will buy more. Expiration dates don't mean anything." Umm, okay. The sheets on Annabelle's bed at my parents house are Bambi sheets from the 70s that she has held onto all of these years. There was a freakish cold snap at Easter last year and I didn't have a coat for Annabelle, but she still had Audrey's little pink coat at the ready. She is the poster child for "waste not want not," or the Hoarders show, depending on your point of view.

Yesterday, she cleaned out her pantry. She threw away some things. Including a can of corn that expired in 1991. Of course, I had to tell my sister this. Her response-- "were you surprised by that?" Not really, no.

part 3.
My manicotti dinner.

Me: "well, how is it?"

H: "well, its okay. But you know I don't like this kind of stuff."

Me: "what do you mean?"

H: " you know, woman food. Like quiche and sandwiches."

Me: " I was thinking about putting sausage in it."

H: "that might have made it okay."

Actually, I do know he doesn't like to eat that kind of stuff. But as he knows, I don't really care.

Ready or not, here we come!

In the evening, after the dishes are washed, I get a little free time while Hyphen and Annabelle play. I usually spend it on the phone with my parents or sister and tonight was no exception. Usually while I am talking there is some form of laughing or screaming going on. Annabelle is usually asking to be hung upside down or she and her father take on the characters of Cinderella and Michael Jackson and dance around the living room. (Michael Jackson/ Cinderella story will have to wait for another day)

Tonight was especially raucous and I realized they were playing some form of hide and go seek. But tonight it seemed as though Hyphen's screams of laughter were more real than they normally are, so I tuned in for a minute and realized....

...that the idiot dog was playing with them.

Now, the dog is a bona fide moron. Her relationship with Annabelle is nebulous at best. Annabelle insists that she sleep in her room every night. But she also yells at Bella in outrage (NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!!) when she does idiot dog stuff, such as eat her candy heart necklace, cord and all, when Annabelle left it--somewhat carelessly-- on the coffee table. (In Annabelle's defense, she had set it down for less than a second before it was gobbled up.)

Annabelle has tried to get the dog to play with her before, but, as I tried to explain to Annabelle, since the dog does not have opposable thumbs, Lego's is probably not the best thing to play with Bella. And you have to rule out traditional games like catch, because she is lazy and just prefers to sit by the back door while you chase after the ball and bring it back to her.

She does tend to horn in when she is not wanted, like the time when Annabelle made me an imaginary cupcake with sprinkles on it, and while I was carefully peeling off the wrapper, the dog tried to snatch it out my hand. Idiot.

Tonight was different. They were running and hiding, she was waiting for them to hide and then she went to find them. If they heard her coming, they would run in the opposite direction. She would then head them off at the pass. They would double back, and hide in the bathroom (tactical error--only one exit) and she would wait until she heard a giggle and corner them in it. There was lots of laughter and tail wagging and those bright dog smiles--the ones that come with the perky ears.

I watched it long enough, that there was no doubt in my mind--my dog can play hide and go seek.

As with most people who play with Annabelle, the dog got tired first and flopped down on the carpet and remained there despite Annabelle's begging "come find me, come find me!"

Now, does this mean my dog has gained some kind of freakish intelligence? Maybe. Annabelle is not the neatest eater--so, could be the dog was just following the pork chop scent that lingered on her chubby little hands.

the story of the lucky 13

Today we celebrate our 13th anniversary. The three of us marked the occasion with tulips, candles, wine, pasta puttanesca eaten on dishes from our wedding, and by digging out old wedding photos. I always get sentimental around this time, especially now, in my delicate condition. I tried to explain to Annabelle why this was a special day, but she cannot conceive of the thought that there was an us before there was an us. And when she sees picutres of us from long ago she asks "where was I?" and anwers herself "I was at grandma's house and I was sad because I wasn't there."

The other night at dinner, I put on a Frank Sinatra CD (yes some people still listen to CDs). Annabelle said, "what is this music?" I said "this is Frank Sinatra, this is some of the music mama and pap fell in love to."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "well, then we went on lots of dates, and hugged and kissed each other a lot and had lots of fun."

Annabelle: " and then what happened?"

Me: " then we decided to get married"

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "then we got married and mama was the most beautiful bride ever and we had the most wonderful wedding ever and mama and Martha Stewart took 10 years off of Grandpa's life."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "then we moved to Houston and had lots of fun and lived in apartments and in another house and we went out to eat lots and saw movies at 10:00 at night and got dogs and furniture and went on vacations in Mexico."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "then one night we had margaritas and crawfish and then you were in my tummy."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "and then my water broke and papa said 'I have one more week' and I said, 'no you don't,' and then papa got in trouble with the doctor and then you were here and we were the happiest- happiest and you were the best baby ever."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "then we took good care of you and then we went to the library and HEB and then you took a nap and then we made dinner and then we were eating and you askd what kind of music this was."

Annabelle: "and then what happened?"

Me: "I am not sure yet, but I am sure it will be good."

Happy anniversary and thank you to all the people who have loved and supported us over the years.

when it is time to do push aways, or push ups, or to just buy a push up bra

Since I have several friends and a sister who either are breastfeeding, or have recently breast fed their babies, Annabelle has gotten quite an eye-ful of the chi-chis lately. And since I breastfed forever, I think it is totally natural and no big deal that Annabelle tries to nurse her dolls and sometimes even tries to get her Papa to act as a wet nurse, which of course, Hyphen does.

She is also becoming more aware of bodies especially the parts that are covered up and occasionally and randomly says "boys have a penis, girls have giants."

Today, while we were coming home from the library, was one of those random annoucement days and it went like this:

Annabelle:Annabelle has little chi-chis. Mama has big chi-chis.

Me:(partially grateful, remembering in high school how someone referred to me as the great plains and Audrey as the rocky mountains, and partially annoyed, remembering a time when I was voted to have the best boobs in the office and now viewing what was once perky and pleasing to have become somewhat National geographic in nature): Yes that's right Annabelle.

Annabelle: Annabelle has little chi-chis and papa has little chi-chis. Mama has big chi-chis. Mama and Grandma and Grandpa have big chi-chis.

Okay, so maybe there should be someone who is more annoyed than I am.