suspicious minds

I was watching the Today Show this week and they were doing a story about the tragedy in Tuscon. They were interviewing the shooter's friend, and when they story was over, Annabelle said "who is Jared mama?" She was in the room with me waiting for 8:00 which, in our house, is when the cartoons come on. I tried to play dumb, "what? who is who? who is Jarrius? He is from the bible story we read last night." Annabelle: "no mama. who is jared. he is on t.v." Me: "oh. Jared is a man who did something very bad. And now he is in big trouble."

I forget that the today show is not rated G. I forget that the world isn't rated G.

Not that I am completely oblivious to things, despite my previous posts, I believe in calling the cops whenever you see suspicious behavior. But my version of suspicious and everyone else's is completely different.

My office at work was once filled with at least 50 cokes because in the hysteria after September 11th, I heard that the terrorists were poisoning all coca-cola products. So I did what any red-blooded American would do, I called the FBI. My conversation did not get off to a good start;

Me: "okay you are going to think I am crazy, because this sounds crazy, but I am not crazy, I am completely normal but my sister heard that a lady was at the grocery store.."

Fibbie: " and let me guess, loaned money to an Arab and he told her not to buy coke?

Me: "oh, thank God you know about it, see I am not crazy..."

Fibbie: Ma'am, I want to let you know whenever people start conversations by saying they are not crazy, I think they are crazy and you have mentioned the word crazy several times now and I do think you are crazy."

Me: "well I think you are rude. Are you investigating this or not? I mean, it doesn't affect me, because I only drink Dr. Pepper..."

Fibbie: "good bye ma'am."

So I have this history, see? Like the constables in my neighborhood know me, because I have their dispatch number on my speed dial, and I use it. Like when I saw a guy in a Kobe basketball Jersey pretend to get out of a yard man's truck and act like he was doing yards, when he was really casing houses. Everyone knows those Jerseys are expensive--no one is going to mow lawns in them. They thanked me for the tip at our National Night Out Party. Hyphen's comment to them, "So, I see you have met my wife, she likes to call the cops."

But I am a contradiction, because in some situations where most people would be completely afraid, I am not. Like when Audrey and I got lost on South Kirby. Not Upper Kirby, where the Bob Williams/Mitchell Gold store is, but on South Kirby, like near the Dome. We were looking for Pappasitos and I finally said "calf-rope" and stopped to ask some guys for directions. When I got back in the car Audrey assailed me with: "WHAT ARE YOU? CRAZY? YOU NEVER, EVER ASK A GUY WITH A DOO-RAG FOR DIRECTIONS, LET ALONE TWO OF THEM." Well they seemed perfectly nice to me, possibly just some state jail possession convictions, no biggie. And they did get us there.

But then yesterday in Gymboree, I saw a man. He was by himself. He was wiping the floor with his foot. walking around the store, and scuffing the floor with his foot. No kids. No other employees seemed to acknowledge him. And when he walked out of the door, I asked the sales lady "Did that man work here?" Her response : "who?" Me: the creepy guy who doesn't belong and is rubbing his foot on the floor??? Saleslady: "oh, him? Kind-of, he keeps the store clean. Me:"so , the answer is yes??" I mean, "kind-of" what? what do you mean, he keeps the store clean? Like he is a janitor, then why isn't he in a uniform. Why did he just walk out of the front door, like a customer? Is he an obsessive compulsive that walks in the store and wipes the floor down with his feet, and how is rubbing the floor with your feet keeping the store clean? And mostly, why did he give me the creeps like that?

I guess my point is.... if it gives you the creeps, ask questions, bring it to someone's attention, call the cops. Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself and then no one will have to tell their two year old who Jared is.