Help me I'm on a bad date

Help. This is real time, people. My date is watching the baseball fame rather than paying attention to me. Baseball. He just asked me who I am texting. I am ignoring. We are at shepherd park because he is too lazy to take me somewhere good. Pizza crust is not pretzels and our fried ravioli look like hot pockets and smell like fancy feast. I look like ass because I don't care about my appearance any more. My attempt to engage him on conversation, by asking him where the worst place we've ever eaten has failed. I say Pho tau by. The little roaches. Little roaches. Of course he won't agree, because of some kind of nationalistic pride. Thomas BBQ. Squirrel gristle sausage. Yeah that was bad.

We can't go home. They are showing Mary poppins and we want no part of that.

And to add insult to injury, my buzz is wearing off.

Shut. I might proofread this. Might.

Hotel California is playing. Ok. That's ok.

Complaining about children's birthday party that he had to go to this morning. Don't care.

There are some really ugly guys here. No one with a bald spot should ever wear shorts after 6 pm

My date wants to see nary poppins. Shit. I mean, no thank you.

I just ordered another glass.

Everyone here is ugly. I should go. Despite my mom jeans, I don't fit in.

We agree that this place sucks. We agree on everything, that's why we are so boring.

My date is the best looking man in this bar and he is wearing an orange swatch so you know he is cool.

There is someone really short behind the bar. Really really short. Damn.

My date is making a grocery list with his new app while I blog. Agh. We are those people.

I have a scab on my hairline.

We are full on tattoo nation. Dreadful. Maybe I should just get a tattoo like every other person.

A man with a willie nelson pony tail and cut off shirt just sat down at the bar. He had long earrings, tats and a potted face. Where the f does he think we are? The montrose? Who the f does he think he is? Tiffin?? We don't like people with personality here in GO. Where is my ugly bald friend????

My date just nudged my foot to show me this man. See? Perfectly in sync. Boring.

I am ready to kick my knees up and step in time.