What I did over my summer vacation, part 1

I went to Florida.  With some very dear friends and my parents.  This was the first time that we have been on a vacation with my parents-- not a weekend get away, but a full week long vacation.  At the beach.  My dad is not really a beach person, and he is certainly not a sit around and relax person.  He is more of a project person-- as in, let me dig a trench and put in a pump that will allow me to water my yard with river water and the trench will be dug uphill, and there will be much sweat and a possible trip to the ER.  He's that kind of person.  

But I think he had fun.  You have never lived until you see a septuagenarian jump into the Gulf of Mexico to chase after a manatee.  When you see that, you have about one second to decide, "yeah, me too," and then you have got to jump in.  Because if your 72 year old dad is going to jump, in then, hell, you have to too.  

My mom and the girls had fun. They played lots of uno and there was lots of cheating. Like-- I-am-going-to-pee-but-I-am-taking-my-cards-with-me-because-I-trust-no-one kind of cheating.  

I also reaffirmed why I won't ever leave the kids with my mom for any length of time-- and that is because she has no filter and is completely inappropriate.  To wit: we were discussing, in front of my children, my friend's sister who is dating a guy who is very particular.  He is the type of person who gets mad at you for opening the chip bag wrong(it's chips how can it be wrong?  Open the bag,eat.) and since I am married to that guy, I can tell you that life is too short to give a shit about how you open the chip bag.  Don't get me wrong, we have two lovely children and love each other very much, but he annoys the hell out of me.  So I was advising for a breakup.  My mom agreed and added, in front of my innocent children, who she wants to be good Catholic girls, "well, all I can say is, the sex better be great."  

Sweet Jesus.  She is now the gym teacher sub at the catholic school in her town.  That's not a typo.  That said gym.  When this septuagenarian tells you to do jumping jacks, you have about one second to say yes, ma'am. Because if Toni stevens is your gym teacher, you better jump, and jump high.  

We also had surf camp, the 4th of July parade, swim team, days soaking up the last bit of fun we could with some very dear friends who moved to Kazakhstan-- which involved lots of water parks.  At one point, the girls were so tan that their surrogate grandmother, who we know from church, didn't recognize them.  

And then, just for kicks, we adopted a puppy.  At first hyphen was dead set against it.  Then I told Tallulah he said no.  You can see her reaction, which I sent him via text message.  A few days later, I had my dog.  I told my parents how cute she was, but that she had pooped in the kitchen shortly after we got her.  My dad: "the first of many." Yep, that's about right.  Many. 

Then we went to Colorado.....and that's when things got really interesting.  

I'd write more tonight, but I have to go.  The dog just crapped on the carpet.  Again...