don't read this if you are especially sensitve to the plight of native americans

Phone conversation I had recently with my sister


Me: hey dude, what are you doing?


A: living the dream in palm springs, no kids, no husband, fancy hotel.


Me: oh, yeah, at a conference right? how is the hotel?


A: awesome. It is way better than the last one, except there was no airport shuttle, so I had to split a cab with some ladies who are also attending the conference, and then we all ate dinner together.


Me: oh, that was nice, where were they from?


A: south dakota


Me: what is you conference for?


A: native american health care


Me: What? why?


A: well in the new health care package there is a lot of money set aside to redo some of the Indian clinics...


Me: what???? there are like 10 Indians left, why do they get my money?



A (exasperated): I don't know, ask Obama, maybe to address the horrible diabetes and other health care problems they have been suffering since they adopted the white man's diet.


Me: He doesn't return my calls. maybe they need to eat more tuhtanka. Hey, while you are there, can you get me one of those turquoise cuff bracelets, like a real big one, like 4 inches- I'll pay you back


A(more exasperated) : it is not that kind of conference


Me: sure it is, I am sure they will have a table where they are hawking their wares. Do you think there is going to be anyone there with long hair, like wind-in-his-hair, and if there is, can you text me a picture of it? but only if it is a man, and only if he looks like wind-in-his-hair.


A: (really hacked) umm, sure.



A few days later....


Me: " how was the conference?


A: good


Me: did you get me a cuff?



A; I told you, it wasn't that kind of conference



Me: you mean to tell me that you saw no cuffs?


A: actually, I saw lots of people wearing the cuffs and other kinds of turquoise


Me: and you didn't say "here is this shiny cell phone I'll trade it to you for your cuff."


A:(really pissed) "NO!!!!! They don't barter, they are regular people. I did see a man with long hair, though and he had leather braided in it.


Me: and you didn't send me a picture??? Wait-- were those ladies you ate dinner with Indians--did they have cuffs on???



A (resigned sigh) Yes. they were. And yes they did.


Me: You couldn't simply ask them " hey that is a beautiful cuff, where did you get that? and then they could say "on the res, I know this guy, here is his business card...."


A: (yelling)I AM NOT GOING TO ASK SOMEONE THAT AT A PROFESSIONAL CONFERENCE!!!!! I am not like you. And I am not going to ask someone something just to hear them say on the res!!!!!!


Me: (resigned sigh) I am not sure what kind of sister knows that her sister wants an Indian cuff bracelet and then goes somewhere there are tons of people, including her new friends wearing them and then doesn't bother to ask anyone where they got them or trade her cell phone for one of them!!!!!!!!!!

A: the kind that is not going to do that.

Me: bye

A: bye