electrician, rude people, pooping at the gap and cowboys

My day went as follows:

1.Waited for the electrician to fix our bathroom fan/heater. One of the pleasures of having an old house is paying people outrageous sums of money to fix it. In this case, it was a motor covered with 68 years of dust. To quote the electrician "dust is bad for motors." He fixed it by blowing it all over the bathroom, and asking me if I wanted to pay him 80 dollars an hour for him to clean it up. That would be a no.

2. Made a return at Lowes. While I was there Annabelle said she needed to go potty. I raced to the other side of the store, sat her on the potty where she collapsed into a fit of giggles, but made no pee.

3. Took her to a cafe for lunch. There were no tables. So I waited, juggling two drinks, a fancy cowboy hat cookie on a plate and a 2 year old. While I did that, I watched people who got there after me, but were not as blessed as I am (read: encumbered) grab the available tables before I could. Finally I told a man in a suit who was about to get the table I was stalking " I am sorry, but I have been waiting and everyone has gone before me. There is another table right over there opening up." Then I asked the people who were leaving (rich bitches) if I could put my stuff down. They looked at me and said "after we are through" and then they went over to the counter to order fancy cookies. In the meantime, I am juggling everything and drop my fancy cookie. It was the closest I have ever been to crying during my stay at home mom journey. At this point, the man in the suit felt sorry for me and got Annabelle another cookie. I set my stuff down at the table and the bitches gave me dirty looks as they gathered up their Prada bags. I apologized and they glared. We ate lunch and I took Annabelle to the bathroom where she refused to pee.

4. We went to the baby gap to get a birthday present. The baby gap is where things usually fall apart for me and Annabelle. It is something about the clothes racks that gets her going. In this case, it got her bowels going, and she pooped in her pants. Pants, not diapers, because we are done with diapers. We are not potty trained, we are just done with diapers.

5. I changed her and we were heading home when she reminded me that the cowboys were in town and that we were going to "find those cowboys mama." So we headed to memorial park. We drove around it three times before we parked and walked half a mile to where they were riding in. We did this without the lawn chairs, wagon, blanket, diaper bag, change of clothes, snack traps and juice that everyone else had. And she was in some ugly pants that have been at the bottom of the diaper bag that are now more like clam diggers. We sat on the grass and waved at all of the trail riders. We said yee-hah and giddyup.

And we had a grand time doing it.

Everybody poops

Everybody poops. Just not in the potty. My mom has been getting on me about potty training Annabelle. Let the record reflect--she has been getting on me about it since Annabelle was about 14 months old. Apparently that's when I was potty trained. More like she was trained to take me to the potty every two hours. Annabelle comes and goes on this issue. Some days she says "mommy change the biaper" (that's how she says diaper) And some days she wants to wear Elmo panties. Hyphen noted it is like she is trying to decide if she is a big girl or a baby. She can hold it, but when she goes, she just goes, she doesn't tell me anything until after she pees and then she says "Mommy! Pee Pee!"

One of my New Year's resolutions was to potty train Annabelle, before she turned two. She'll be two tomorrow, and I guess it is possible she will figure it out tonight while sleeping, but not likely.

My mom, however; figured out why she isn't trained. She is the most stressed out that Annabelle isn't trained. She came up for Annabelle's party this weekend. There were about 11 kids there and some were potty trained, but most of the two year olds were not. My mom told my sister "I know why Annabelle isn't potty trained, none of her friends are. They are all walking and talking and doing Calculus, but they are all shitting in her pants."

Like I said, everyone poops, just not in the potty.

i love you mama

It is next to impossible to explain the concept of love to an almost-two-year-old. You just have to feel it, or learn it contextually. "Groc it" That is what one of my crazy college professors (Val LeClerq)would say. It was his term for understanding an ineffable concept. We have been trying to get her to say "I love you." But unlike "Thank you" and "Bless you" it has not come as easy. But I know she gets it. Last week she ran up to the dog, threw her arms around the beast and said "I love you Bella dog." Then later in the day when she found her housekey (no she is not a latch key kid, just a kid that likes to play with latch keys) she said "I love you key" with equal enthusiasm. I asked her if she loved Mama and Papa and she just smiled coyly.

Because today is Valentines day, Hyphen had to go into work. Big day in his line of work. We had a lovely tranquil moring, a nice family breakfast where we opened all of the Valentines we had received, went to Church and then Hyphen was off to expidite food all day. And then there were two. Annabelle got fussy on me and decided to throw a few tantrums. She told me "No naps mama," but then finally gave in. She woke up grumpy. Then when went to the nursery, she had a tantrum because she wanted to wear her "Sunday shoes." She cried so hard she threw up. When we came back she was cranky and hungry. After dinner she didn't want to take a bath. She wanted to listen to her favorite song (1234 by Feist) on the computer. Which means she wants to watch the music video on youtube. (the only reason I let her do this is because it is a harmless dance video to an adorable song) So I repeated her request, "Annabelle do you want to watch 1234 on the computer?" " Yes mama, " she said "Well let's do that. let's get cuddly and get some milk and then let's watch it lots of times."

Then she said "I love you mama."

Of course, when she went to bed she cried for 30 minutes because she wanted to sleep in "mama and papa's bed" and seemed genuinely pissed off because I wouldn't allow it, but such is life with an almost two year old.

what it's like to be an Aunt

It is kind of like being a grandma, except I am not as disapproving and therefore, hopefully not as annoying. I got to swaddle, cuddle and help out and then I got to go home. I didn't have to stay up all night, wait for my milk come in, wonder why this thing was pooping so much, and if it was growing and worrying if it was ever going to develop, since all it ever did was sleep. Audrey is stuck doing all of that. And she is doing a great job. That is what you need to hear those first few days: you are doing a great job, you are a wonderful and beautiful mother and your babies love you. Since my mom is staying with her she is probably hearing something like "ay gato, no, you need to get rid of these cats. !Vete, cabron!"

The first few days my mom stayed with me, she almost dropped the car seat Annabelle was in when we went to Target. I say almost, because she recovered by falling herself, rather than drop the baby. Then she cried about it all the way home. I wasn't even upset, those dang car seats are so cumbersome. She also constantly nagged me about the fact that I didn't want anyone to rock Annabelle to sleep. And she stood in front of Annabelle's crib and held the pacifier in her mouth so she could suck it and not drop it and start crying. She showed me how to bathe a baby and brought me canteloupe and cranberry juice when I was nursing and made us carne guisada sin cominos because her mother told her that cominos make your baby collicky. One day a huge bouquet came to the house. We had been getting so many, that they had almost become passe. But this one wasn't for me, it was for her, from Hyphen.

I have never loved her so much. When she left, I cried, but then Hyphen wisely suggested we go to Target. That cheered me right up. Always does.

Yes, Stella, there is a Santa Claus and he is on the Big Island right now

It felt wrong at first, because I remember how when I found out the "truth," I was devastated. I couldn't trust or believe for a long time afterwards. I think it marked the beginning of my distaste for authority and my eventual slippery slope of a slide into Doctorate of Jurisprudence.

Me (in 1983): "wait, so there is no Santa Claus? So what about the Easter Bunny, is he fake too? And the tooth fairy? That is a lie. So you lied. You are a liar. And I guess God is a lie too?"

But here I was doing it, and after a few days, it just got really easy, so it was no problem, it was effortless, in fact, when the subject came up last week....

Santa Claus? Oh, well, he is on vacation. You see, he is so tired after Christmas, that he pretty much just takes the month of January off. No one really know where he goes, but TMZ got some pictures of who they thought was him and Mrs. Claus in Hawaii, and it probably was them, they were at a pretty exclusive place, which makes sense because it is a nice time of year there and you know, the North pole is so cold, then he comes back in February and he spends most of that time doing R and D for next Christmas, just checking out trends and projections, and then in March they start to gear up again, figure out where the sales are....

Vacation was all she heard. The rest was just me talking to myself. Santa Claus in on vacation. So was Uncle Gene. So whenever we drive past the one or two hold outs who have not taken down their Christmas decorations, Annabelle says "Santa on 'cation. Uncle Gene on 'cation too."

I guess it is pretty confusing to a little one, because since October, he has been all over the place, and then, pretty much on December 26, he is gone. No more Santa doll at Kroger, no more lights or decorations, no more trips to the mall /gazebo park/HEB and we just happen to run into him. It is hard to understand why we don't sing the Santa and baby Jesus songs any more and hard to understand why baby Jesus is no longer at the Church, especially when one or two losers won't take down their decorations and keep confusing the matter.

getting back to 1983-----why couldn't he have been real?

what almost 2 year olds dream about.....

Yesterday morning, as is his custom, Hyphen asked Annabelle how she slept. It went like this:

H: how did you sleep last night annabelle?

Annabelle: goooooooood.

H: did you have sweet dreams?

Annabelle: yeeeeeessss.

H: you did? What did you dream about?

Annabelle: caaaaaaats

H: Cats? what else did you dream about?

Annabelle: lollipops.

H: Lollipops? what else?

Annabelle: dooooooogs.


we should all be so lucky. She is the best thing we have ever done.

cousins coming soon

Annabelle has certain understanding of cousins. She knows that she has two cousins, M____ and A_____ who live in Dallas with their Uncle M______(who is her new boyfriend) and their mom T_______, who, like most moms, is superfluous. She also knows that there are babies in Auntie's tummy. Since my sister's delicate condition has been progressing for 35 weeks now and since there will soon be invaders in the world of Ga-ma and Gand-pa, I decided to talk up her new cousins today. I explained to her that she will be the big cousin, kind of like a big sister and she will have to show them things, like how to eat and how to walk. Annabelle immediatley got the teaching concept and chimed in "Bus song?" Yes, you can teach them "The Wheels on the Bus." She then said "play leggoes?" Yes, you can show them how to play leggoes. Her suggestions went on for a while, and all included things Annabelle absolutely loves doing and she got progrssively more excited about showing her cousins her world. During supper I questioned her in front of Hyphen about her cousins. Here is a summary of our conversation:

1. Annabelle's cousins are "coming soon."
2. The cousins are in "Auntie's tummy."
3. Santa Claus is bringing them.
4. Annabelle will play leggoes with them.
5. Annabelle will give them a lollipop.
6. Annabelle will eat candy with them.

and most importantly,

7. "driver bus move on back all the town!!!!!!!!!"

She just added this last part, but, she pretty much screamed it, so I figured it was central to our converation.