mama said there'd be days like this

Do you ever have a day where you just don't wanna? Where you wish you could be 16 months old again and say "no" to everything, (technically it sounds more like "nnnaaaaaooooohhhh") and you just wake up and you feel not quite right, kind if like crying and you don't know why? Most days I feel pretty good, really good, actually, but not today. I didn't want to be a mom or a wife today. I didn't feel like doing anything. I lay in bed this morning trying to think about what possible scenario could make me feel better and I could only come up with sitting by an infiniti pool overlooking the beach in Mexico and having my 22 year old body back and drinking pina colodas that someone brought me along with some guacamole. In this scenario I would be completely alone. Since this could not happen I decided to face the day. I woke up to a crying baby, the worst possible sound ever before you get up to pee. And then I was a nasty, horrible, wretched person and said to my baby daughter "Annabelle, when you cry like that in the morning, you make my day terrible" I think that might trump not letting my sister sit with me at lunchtime when I was in the 8th grade and she was in the 6th as the meanest thing I have ever done. I also yelled at my mom today, you know, my mom, the CANCER PATIENT!!! What the hell is wrong with me? So I took Annabelle to mother's day out and decided to do what I do when I am in a funk, and that is a flurry of activity. I vacuumed and dusted and changed the AC filter. The AC filter was the turning point. It wasn't cooperating and I really layed into it. Screaming and yelling at it like a complete maniac. Went to the gym and cleaned some more. Then I felt better. But guilty, of course. I really hope she doesn't remember what I said. I told my dad about this and he said "don't beat yourself up over it, you are just having a bad day. " Okay, sniff, sniff. By the time I picked up my sweet child I felt completely healed and ready to go and be a mom again. And when Hyphen got home I was even ready to have him teach me how to stir-fry. It was delicious. It's all delicious.