audrey-not-at-home

from time to time, Audrey has to travel for her job. She reads magazines on the plane, stays in nice hotels, eats out, meets people who wear turqoise cuffs, and goes to bed without having to put anyone to bed. She is sad becasue she misses the girls. Yeah, I'd be sad too. For about 10 seconds. Tonight she called me. Recap:

Aud: OOOhhh, these sheets feel like silk. And I am wearing my cahsmere pajamas. I am wrapped in a cocoon of silk and cashmere.

Me: are you having fun??? how is the hotel?

Aud: it is old and there is no wi-fi, what kind of hotel doesn't have free wi-fi? And I miss the girls.

Me: How was dinner with K______? (audrey's old friend who lives in dallas)

Aud: It was fun, I ate way too much.... I had quail wrapped in bacon with sweet potato grits and collared greens. And we had cranberry toasts with blue cheese and fried green tomatoes as an appetizer. And bread pudding for dessert. And then we went to a chocolatier and tried some different chocolates.

Me: bitch! I went to see the three year old soccer version of the bad news bears practice where they were all wandering around playing and having tantrums and had a double dave's pizza and now I am swiffing the guestroom for mom's visit. I hate you right now. How clean does this room need to be so she won't bitch about the house?

Aud: I don't know, you are stressing me out. I don't want to be stressed out when I am in my cocoon of silk and cashmere.

I know what she means. Later tonight, after I finish the guestroom and sterilize the bottles and take out the trash, I will crawl into the bed that has the faint odor of baby spit up and hear the sounds of a paunchy asian snoring, I will be blissed out to the max too.