why not I with thine?

It is almost valentines day, a tiny day which I love and adore and I am sitting here, thinking about love.  Not the romantic love that spurns men to peruse the Valentine's aisles of Target with blank looks on their faces, but the other kinds, the kinds that last...

Maternal
Tallulah told me she loved me today, for the very first time.  We spent the entire day potty training--without a single accident--and during that time I exclaimed, "Tallulah, I'm so proud of you, I love you!" and she said, "No mommy, I wuv yoouuu."  It was the first time she said it and when she did, my heart got the feeling it gets every once in a while-- that little silver bells are chiming in it.  It almost made her writing on my newly upholstered couch with pen forgivable...almost.

Sisterly
While Annabelle was at school today, Tallulah spent a good deal of her time talking on her "phone."  And most of that time was spent talking to "ba-belle" as she calls her.  I felt sorry for the little thing, to have to spend a whole day without her sister.  When Annabelle came home, I asked her who she played with at recess, an issue that we have had some concerns with lately--her reply?  "I played with Tallulah--well I pretended I was playing with her."  (an aside for Audrey-- H got Tallulah a stuffed puppy for Valentine's day and she named the puppy Strawberry)

Father-Son 
Today at Ash Wednesday services, one of Annabelle's little friends sat in front of us.  He was there with his father and after a minute or two, his grandparents joined them. After the grandparents settled in the pew, I saw the father touch the grandfather on the back in a very loving caress.  And for some reason, I was deeply moved.   Annabelle's friend is a sweet and loving child, but when I saw the father touch his own father, I knew immediately that I wanted Annabelle to marry into this family, because they are good people and I really don't care how crazy that sounds.

I have a sister.  I have two girls.  My mom is one of four sisters, with an older brother who I've seldom seen, my father's father died when I was 10, for my entire married life, we have lived in Houston and my in-laws in San Antonio.  I lead a life almost entirely filled with women and their way of loving and I haven't given much thought to how sons and fathers love each other. This single touch was so entirely foreign to me, and I felt like an intruder, a voyeur, but the thought of this love and the feeling I had when I saw it, has stayed with me all day.

Self
The ac in my car has been acting up, so we took it to a local mechanic, who was kind enough to drop me back home and then, when it was finished, the owner came back to my house with my car. He knocked on the door and Tallulah and I scrambled to put on our shoes and as we walked off the porch it became apparent to me, that he was going to drive me back to the shop.  As in, he was going to drive my van instead of me.  I felt befuddled.  I wanted to ask him for my keys and my mind perused just how to say this and what etiquette called for in this situation, but there was no time to figure it out.  We were on the driveway and then he was in my seat and I was in the passenger seat.  We chatted on the way to the shop, but my mind wasn't there.  I just kept thinking about how weird it was, how some other man was driving my car, instead of H, all because I was too polite to say, "oh, I'll drive, thanks, though."  Forget man, forget H--someone was driving my car with me in it and I felt like I was cheating...on myself.  Just one of the thousand little times I have been caught up in my head, and gone with a flow I didn't care for or invite.  I'd like to say it will never happen again, but it will, and I will again be more amused than annoyed.

old
when I was a sophomore in high school, I spent lunch time in the orchestra room making music with my fellow nerds.  One day on the chalk board I saw this written in the distinct squatty handwriting that even then I recognized:

the fountains mingle with the river
and the rivers with the ocean
the winds of heaven mix forever
with a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
all things by a law divine;
in one another's being mingle--
why not I with thine?

I recognized the poem as love's philosophy and wrote the second verse.  I loved the poem and it seemed to need the second verse.  Nothing more, nothing less, nothing significant, just something I remember from a long time ago.  It needed the second verse.