Talluliloo

I want to remember this as the christmas where she was just starting to not be scared of Santa. "He's nice wight? It's ok if he comes in my house. Wight?" I want to remember that she asked for a" stuffed animal chicken that can walk on a leash," and a"control remote helicopter." I want to remember her paper Christmas tree, the one she made in school, that was so meticulously decorated. I want her to remember that when I saw it, I said, "you are just like your papa." And that I said it with love and a smile. I want to remember that when Annabelle was sick, she brought her Teddy, even though he had throw up on him, and because she is like her dad and doesn't want to touch gross stuff-- this was hard for her, but because she is 100 percent selfless when it comes to the person she loves most in the world, and will touch vomit for her, it was easy at the same time. I want to remember how at the first grade birthday party today, she jumped into the ruckus, to tear our beloved class hooligan off of the little kid he was pummeling. I want to hear how she says yellow. Led-ow. I never want her to say it right. No one ever fix this, ever. And these are just the things that have happened in the last couple of days.

How can I chronicle all of this? How can I record every moment and enjoy them, at the same time? Someone tell me. In the next few days, I am in charge of, attending, or heavily involved in a class party, two gift exchanges, two birthday parties, a CCE party, a Christmas pageant dress rehearsal,the actual pageant itself, shopping, addressing cards, mailing presents, all while nursing her sister through a night of vomiting-- all of these things that can make your life a drudgery at this time of year, and I may not have the time or inclination to play "pail nolish" with her.

Because when I am 80 years old, I want to remember how she got mad at Audrey for teasing her and said "when you are asleep, I am going to get my dog to come upstairs and diarrhea in your mouth."

I will want to remember 4 year old Tallulah, and all of her contrasts, and I am scared I will sleepwalk through it.