why I should be a heavy drinker, but through the grace of God, I am not

Hyphen. I could write an entire blog, and probably so could some psychotherapist about what a whack job he is. Today, he had the unmitigated temerity to tell me that he was not "high maintenance." It was actually my sister who said he was. You see, she called me, while I was in the check out line at Target. And we were chatting. But I had to hang up because Hyphen was annoyed that I was talking to her instead of concentrating on putting the toilet paper in the trunk of the van. When we were driving home I called her back. It was then that Hyphen said he hated going shopping with me because my priorities were out of line. Audrey called him high maintenance and he denied it. Then I felt the need to delve why he hated going to Target with me. Hyphen likes to give what he calls "constructive criticism." Most other people call it "being an asshole."

Me:"What do you mean my priorities are out of line?"

Hyphen:"Because your priorities are getting popcorn and a slurpee and talking on the phone."

Me: "Look, I wanted to have a pleasurable shopping experience and that's why I got the popcorn and slurpee and I was only on the phone during the check out line. You could have stayed home with Annabelle, but you didn't want to go outside with her and that's what she needed to do." (sometimes Annabelle wakes up fussy and the only cure is to go outside and sit with the dog)

Hyphen: "there were too many mosquitoes."

Me: "you could have put on repellent."

Hyphen:"but I don't like the way it makes my skin feel."

Me: "you mean the feeling of not getting bitten? Then you have to suffer through Target."

High maintenance. That's my constructive criticism.